What is Indian culture? A definitive description:
- Be religious. For meat-eaters, this means eating meat whenever possible, and not eating meat on "holy" days. And yes, you have to, absolutely, visit temples once in a while, even if you're in a foreign country (perhaps, "especially if you're in a foreign country"?). Otherwise, you'd forget your "roots"...
- Be respectful to elders. Even those that you absolutely detest, and about whom you make funny jokes. That's a very essential part of Indian culture.
- Never, ever, mix with locals and strictly avoid adopting local customs / practices when you're in a foreign land (repeat this if you're a Brahmin). Never forget that you're Indian and consequently, eat only Indian food, have only Indian (or desi) friends; never travel alone - because the foreigners are out to get you!
- Follow cricket matches on TV / the Net. Cricket is as essentially Indian as idli / dosa / roti / paneer tikka is.
- Never spend more money than you can get away with. If that means sharing a single bedroom flat with five others even when your earnings are enough to let you rent a flat all for yourself, then so be it! Thrift is an essential Indian quality, and living comfortably, let alone lavishly, is a sin.
- Auxiliary tenets: i) always travel in a group when you're in countries like the UK, because a group ticket is cheaper ii) Always purchase second-hand goods, be it a car, a tv or a bike iii) Scour ebay for the best deals, even when you're hard-pressed for time in making a purchase.
- Publicly scorn obscenity in movies, especially English movies; lament about the degradation that they bring into our culture, all the while watching such wonderfully culture-enhancing regional flicks in which heroines show skin and indulge in hip-gyration and other gestures which are none-too-subtle. After all, all regional flicks show Indian women in such a lofty light, especially when they're dressed in their wedding garbs.
I challenge anyone to poke holes in the above.
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